I woke up last night. It was pitch black. It was the kind of darkness I’d never experienced before- so complete and so frightening. It was incredible, the way I felt lost in that total darkness. I wanted to look over to my roommates, to see them sleep noiselessly in their own beds, take comfort from that knowledge, and go back to sleep. Yet, it was impossible to do so. There was not a ray of light around. I had no way of being sure if I was in my familiar surroundings anymore, if I was around familiar people anymore. It was scary, it was terribly lonely, and horribly depressing. I wanted to call out to my roommates to make sure they were still there. But it was a silly idea of course. What was I to say, after I woke them up?- “I’m scared”?
I lay down on my bed for a long time, staring at nothingness. It was like being trapped in Tousen’s bankai, only that I could at least hear. I heard myself breathing. But strangely, I heard only me. My roommates sure slept soundly. I felt this sinking feeling growing in my chest.. I was ALONE. I was very positive about the presence of monsters under my bed. I was paralyzed with fear and no matter how badly I wanted to get up and feel my way over to my nearest roommate, I couldn’t move. It was the worst feeling anyone could ever experience. It was the worst feeling ‘I’ had ever experienced. And then suddenly, in some twisted way, I was at peace. I felt that odd calm I’d never felt- life had always had some sound around me. Things and people were always loud, always making noise and never leaving me alone. At that point in time, I perhaps got that one subconscious wish I didn’t know I had made- to be left alone.
I’m yet to wake up.