Back after a much needed break. Funny how a simple task of blogging everyday can get so daunting. Anyway, another reason why I didn’t blog was ’cause I was mad. At a lot of things in general, but more so at the whole Mumbai ‘war’ episode. A LOT and more has been said/blogged/argued/etc about it, and I’m in no mood to spoil my blog by posting a fuming post, so I’d rather spoil it by telling you about the one fantasy I’ve had for long. Yes, I fanatsize about cussing and swearing and doing it like a pro.
You heard right. It’s not a trick statement. Of course, how difficult can it be to say an F or a B or an M or S word, right? Very. Trust me, if you were me, and saw the whole world take out their anger, frustration, desperation so easily, by uttering a simple swear word; and not be able to do so yourself, you’d understand the gravity of the situation. No matter how hard I try, I just can’t abuse. In fact, the situation’s so bad that I can’t even swear at a fictional foe when I’m alone in the room. Nope, tried a thousand times in front of the mirror, to get that angry look and that deadly tone and utter that forbidden F/B/M/S word- to no avail. All I can manage after these 24 years of existence is a ‘jerk’ and a ‘A-hole’. Sigh.
It’s not like am one of those ‘haw’ girls, you know the ones who go “Haw! He said F**k! What a dirty mouth!” The irony in my case is that I love swearing- when others do it. Especially females. I’m sure I’ll be considered a nutcase to be saying this, but there’s something very bold and beautiful about the whole female-swearing thing. Only I can’t do it. There was a time when I got so deperate to learn how to abuse people out loud that I asked a few of my guy friends to teach my curse-words in their native languages(now I know profanities in at least 5 different lingos)- the languages I don’t know. What I don’t understand won’t hurt(I never asked the meanings, only the pronunciations). The guys were absoultely delighted and amused.. they too wanted a change it seems. But the moment I uttered my first ever swear word out loud without any guilt- ‘hahhah.. how cute!’ and “I’d love to be cussed at everyday if you say it like this!” is the reaction I got. Seriously? Cute?! Why couldn’t I get the tone right? Why couldn’t they overlook the ‘cuteness’ of the tone and concentrate on what was being said and feel offended by it! It was a blow to my aspirations of evolving into a female hardcore dirty mouth and becoming an elite member of the one of the rarest clans left on this planet.
I dedicate this post to Les Grossman, the man who remains my idol, and inspires me to learn how to talk. One of my most favourite dialogues from his movie?- “Look, F**k-stick, I’m incredibly busy. So why don’t get the hell out of here before I snap your *ahem* and jam in into your *the synonym of human posterior*?”
What the eff!! I can’t even type it! What won’t I give to actually mouth these words.. once.. just once!! 😦