Screw you!! :D :D

Back after a much needed break. Funny how a simple task of blogging everyday can get so daunting. Anyway, another reason why I didn’t blog was ’cause I was mad. At a lot of things in general, but more so at the whole Mumbai ‘war’ episode. A LOT and more has been said/blogged/argued/etc about it, and I’m in no mood to spoil my blog by posting a fuming post, so I’d rather spoil it by telling you about the one fantasy I’ve had for long. Yes, I fanatsize about cussing and swearing and doing it like a pro.

You heard right. It’s not a trick statement. Of course, how difficult can it be to say an F or a B or an M or S word, right? Very. Trust me, if you were me, and saw the whole world take out their anger, frustration, desperation so easily, by uttering a simple swear word; and not be able to do so yourself, you’d understand the gravity of the situation. No matter how hard I try, I just can’t abuse. In fact, the situation’s so bad that I can’t even swear at a fictional foe when I’m alone in the room. Nope, tried a thousand times in front of the mirror, to get that angry look and that deadly tone and utter that forbidden F/B/M/S word- to no avail. All I can manage after these 24 years of existence is a ‘jerk’ and a ‘A-hole’. Sigh.

It’s not like am one of those ‘haw’ girls, you know the ones who go “Haw! He said F**k! What a dirty mouth!” The irony in my case is that I love swearing- when others do it. Especially females. I’m sure I’ll be considered a nutcase to be saying this, but there’s something very bold and beautiful about the whole female-swearing thing. Only I can’t do it. There was a time when I got so deperate to learn how to abuse people out loud that I asked a few of my guy friends to teach my curse-words in their native languages(now I know profanities in at least 5 different lingos)- the languages I don’t know. What I don’t understand won’t hurt(I never asked the meanings, only the pronunciations). The guys were absoultely delighted and amused.. they too wanted a change it seems. But the moment I uttered my first ever swear word out loud without any guilt- ‘hahhah.. how cute!’ and “I’d love to be cussed at everyday if you say it like this!” is the reaction I got. Seriously? Cute?! Why couldn’t I get the tone right? Why couldn’t they overlook the ‘cuteness’ of the tone and concentrate on what was being said and feel offended by it! It was a blow to my aspirations of evolving into a female hardcore dirty mouth and becoming an elite member of the one of the rarest clans left on this planet.

I dedicate this post to Les Grossman, the man who remains my idol, and inspires me to learn how to talk. One of my most favourite dialogues from his movie?- “Look, F**k-stick, I’m incredibly busy. So why don’t get the hell out of here before I snap your *ahem* and jam in into your *the synonym of human posterior*?”
What the eff!! I can’t even type it! What won’t I give to actually mouth these words.. once.. just once!! 😦

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6 thoughts on “Screw you!! :D :D

  1. I love this post!

    If it helps at all, the only swear words I can comfortably allow myself to say are the British ones. I love saying “bloody this or bloody that” which, apparently is almost as bad as the “F” word over in Jolly old England. So, that’s something, right?

  2. Oh.. I couldn’t swear till a year ago.Now?I can’t restrain from using it sometimes. and when i do, (i wonder if its weird or something..) it feel good. No really.

  3. Fuckin’ A this post was.

    I think the first swear word that I uttered was probablly to the nurse. If she were to read between the line 24 years ago, what was really disguised in those wooaa wooaa was: “Why the fuck did you pull me out, you all white skanky ho”?
    Thus began my journey. And today, to be honest, I can’t digest my meal without saying grace, “Ah, bhenchod kya khana hai.”
    I’m The Big Lebowski, Scarface and Casino all combined and sugercoated with some wonderful expletives from Gangajal, Abb Tak Chappan and my own unreleased film when it comes to swearing.
    And yes, I prefer the Hindi counterpart to the angrezi ones. I feel so, you know, connected when I start my sentence with a B or a M.

    Uh, I tried censoring my comment, but fuck I couldn’t.

    You can delete it now. 🙂

  4. @Kimmy- No my dear woman, we need more.. a LOT more. Sigh.

    @Divs- Of course it feels good! That’s the whole point of swearing, no?

    @Virus- Haw! You jerk.. you A-hole! You polluted my blog!! 😛
    (And I’m still wondering which expletive was implied in that ‘Fuckin’ A this post was’)

  5. Cute post. Swearing – just sounds put together, like any other word. But put THAT way, they can be used with such force. Someone who likes swearing and doesn’t do it – mystifying.

    And ‘fuckin’ A’ is simply slang for ‘brilliant’.

  6. @Aditya B- thanks for the deep philosophy behind swearing 😛 Oh BTW, did you finish your novel? I should take this question to your blog, methinks.

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