So, I don’t like my relatives. Now before you jump to conclusions and label me an anti-social being , lemme just make clear that I’m not completely anti-social. Only partly. Especially when it comes to my relatives, or petty colleagues or emotionally choking friends.. But let’s stick to the relatives part.
Well, to begin with, these are my closest relatives. These are the ones who live in the same town as I do, and since I visit my home only once or twice a year, that exactly the number of times I get to meet these relatives too(at times, even less). But yeah, even then, meeting them is a dreaded time for me. You wanna know why? I’ll list out the top 4 reasons(list- for the sake of readability):
1) They ask you only the following 4 questions. There have been only a couple of exceptions this time-
a) So, where are you now? (As if I change cities every 6 months)
b) In which company? (I tell them and get the look which says, ” Um.. what’s that?” I work for a world-renowned MNC for Chrissake!!)
c) How come you never visit us?(I tell them that I visited the town after a whole year. They are still sulking)
d) So what’s the plan now? (Followed by the wink/smile that says it all. Fortunately, many of them still have the courtsey of directing this one to my parents rather than me)
2) Awkward silences. These fill 90% of the time I spend at these relatives’ places, after they’re done asking the above 5 questions. You know, once it so happened that I visited a distant cousin after years, allll by myself.. we still had nothing to talk about after the first 15 mins. So my cous left me to play with her kid(Which is fine to a certain extent), and then got me… wait for it…. a cup of hot boiling Horlicks! I agree I was very young then.. but puhleez!! Horlicks? To fill in the conversation gaps? I haven’t visited her after that.. I think it’s been almost 7-8 years now. Brr.. still makes me shivers..
3) The whole you-look-so-pale/ill/stressed/thin etc comment. For God’s sake.. I’ve gained weight consistently over the past whole year! In fact, I must’ve gained some 5 kilos during the last 15 days itself.. and still saying how PALE I look.. outrageous! It doesn’t make me feel good, you know, especially cuz I’m already frustrated that my jeans ain’t fitting me anymore and I don’t have enough long tops to hide my ever expanding bottom.. and still these people comment such nasty and wholly untrue things that make my mom come back home and worry over… It’s just not done! Call me fat when I do look so.. I can handle the truth!
4) When they almost punish you for perhaps not visiting them more, or for having gotten so ‘pale’, by forcing you to down the innumerable sweets decorating their drawing room tables. Mind you, this happens only during festive seasons, like this time(Diwali).. and when it happens.. you’ve no idea how painful it can be for your poor tum. You can’t refuse, for that’s the primary reason you’ve visited them- to eat Diwali sweets, and you can’t take it anymore..’cause your jeans don’t fit you anymore. Sheer torture.
I’m wondering if I should change the title of this one to ‘Relative is trouble’!